The Mullet has arrived. The girls brought it by my apartment Saturday night, and man, is it awesome! But is it a true Mullet? Does it match the criteria set by the Great Maned-One during his great Sermon from the Back Seat of his Bitchin' Camero in Detroit in 1978? Let's have a look.
1. Mullet: Check. It's a nice one, shoulder-length, slightly wavey, and complete with bangs. None of it is shaved. Instead, it appears he favors the bonsai tree approach to Mullet maintenance; let the hair grow where it will, trimming only those pieces necessary to perfect and release its true Mulletness. The result: a natural do born to par-tay!
2. Gold Medallion Sunken Deep in Chest Hair: Check. It's small, but it's there. Like the temple of Angkor Wat, it shines as a testament of gilded art surrounded by an impenetrable wilderness. And like that same Cambodian wonder, you can't help but stare at it. The shirt is unbuttoned just enough to show-case it and the bristled expanses which it inhabits. Kudos.
3. Denim Jacket: Check. The inclusion of this piece marks him as a true orthodox Believer, for where some of the newer practioners may abandon demin (the fabric of bad-ass dudes everywhere who still know how to rock out) for the subtler tones of leather, or, in some cases, pleather, this man sticks to the Old Path. It is faded blue, loose, and doesn't obscure one's view of either the Mullet or Medallion. Well chosen. The rivets are large and secure the pockets well, ideal for holding a pack of cigarettes or that shard of Tommy Lee's drumbstick you picked up while getting your mind "friggin' blow out" at that Mötley Crüe concert in 1987.
4. Thin Facial Hair: Check. Ok, so I can't say too much here, but what the hell, I'll throw the first stone. He does manage to make it cover his whole face, meaning the cheeks, chin, under the nose, and side burns, which is more than you can say for most. That said, area does not mean quality; it's see-through in some places, patchy in others, and it is this feature that saves his near perfect Mullet Rating. The stubble that refuses to grow into the beard you wish you had is crucial to anyone's Mullet Prowess, and I am proud to say that this man keeps his pride. My hats off to you, my friend.
So, after that thorough and scientific examination of the....facts, I have concluded that this man IS mullet-worthy. And I say to you, whoever you are: Keep on Rockin', man, wherever you are.
I'm sure everyone really cared about this post. I know I did.
1. Mullet: Check. It's a nice one, shoulder-length, slightly wavey, and complete with bangs. None of it is shaved. Instead, it appears he favors the bonsai tree approach to Mullet maintenance; let the hair grow where it will, trimming only those pieces necessary to perfect and release its true Mulletness. The result: a natural do born to par-tay!
2. Gold Medallion Sunken Deep in Chest Hair: Check. It's small, but it's there. Like the temple of Angkor Wat, it shines as a testament of gilded art surrounded by an impenetrable wilderness. And like that same Cambodian wonder, you can't help but stare at it. The shirt is unbuttoned just enough to show-case it and the bristled expanses which it inhabits. Kudos.
3. Denim Jacket: Check. The inclusion of this piece marks him as a true orthodox Believer, for where some of the newer practioners may abandon demin (the fabric of bad-ass dudes everywhere who still know how to rock out) for the subtler tones of leather, or, in some cases, pleather, this man sticks to the Old Path. It is faded blue, loose, and doesn't obscure one's view of either the Mullet or Medallion. Well chosen. The rivets are large and secure the pockets well, ideal for holding a pack of cigarettes or that shard of Tommy Lee's drumbstick you picked up while getting your mind "friggin' blow out" at that Mötley Crüe concert in 1987.
4. Thin Facial Hair: Check. Ok, so I can't say too much here, but what the hell, I'll throw the first stone. He does manage to make it cover his whole face, meaning the cheeks, chin, under the nose, and side burns, which is more than you can say for most. That said, area does not mean quality; it's see-through in some places, patchy in others, and it is this feature that saves his near perfect Mullet Rating. The stubble that refuses to grow into the beard you wish you had is crucial to anyone's Mullet Prowess, and I am proud to say that this man keeps his pride. My hats off to you, my friend.
So, after that thorough and scientific examination of the....facts, I have concluded that this man IS mullet-worthy. And I say to you, whoever you are: Keep on Rockin', man, wherever you are.
I'm sure everyone really cared about this post. I know I did.
posted by Der verwirrte Ausländer at 4:52 AM
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